unraveling

“And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Grey clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above” 

-Bastille, POMPEII 

In that moment I will live

Have you ever experienced a feeling that you couldn’t quite shake? Something overwhelming that you felt with ever fiber of your being. An unidentifiable segment in time that sent you over the edge. It feels almost like the night before Christmas because you’re filled with excitement and anticipation, yet this sensation you’ve felt before returns each time with a nuance forcing new feelings not all joyous, with reservations. The day, the week or the month before a new journey can’t be expressed in simple statements of anticipation, excitement, nervousness or any other singular word. Not simply a feeling, but a deep sensation that penetrates your skin and festers within you, every day you hope it will deplete but it only flourishes. A sensation that becomes a constant reminder of what is to come, rarely does it fade into the background. A few special people and moments fight the sensation allowing a sense of calm into your existence. Those fleeting moments become your only way to function leading up to the moment where you will finally face the source of your anxiety.

I have yet to rid myself of this feeling. Those moments where I find peace are becoming increasingly destitute. Preparing for a new journey in my life and I have yet to find comfort but hopefully this week will hold new encouragement. All I know is that in those small moments I will live where nothing matters but the solace that defeats my burning sensation.

“Tomorrow will be kinder.”